Thursday, November 6, 2008

Someone to show us The Way

I've been thinking about my brother a lot today for some reason. I go through phases where I miss him much more than others. Today was one of those days where things just weren't going quiet right, and I guess I was needing to hear his goofy giggle to make me forget. I still pick up the phone to call him some days before I remember there is no one to answer on the other end. I'd give a million bucks to hear that crazy laugh again. I remember when he died I would call his phone just to hear his voicemail. In some broken-hearted way it made me think he was still here. I miss him often, and think of him almost every day. I wish I would have hugged him more. I wish I would have cherished his ridiculous stories more. I wish I could remember how he smelled. Time has taken that from me. I wish he would walk in this weekend and stick his finger in my ear. I wish I could hear him imitate the Crocodile Hunter one more time. I wish I would have written down more memories about our childhood. He was my best friend when we were little. I loved him always. I'm sure we fought, but I really can't remember any. I just remember protecting him, and covering for him when he'd get into trouble. I remember telling Mom not to get on to him because he was little and didn't know any better. He used that excuse until he was 30. I'd love to eat another one of his fried turkeys and hear him say how fruits and vegetables were really the cause of health problems. I wish I could just look in his eyes and laugh again like I did only with him. Brothers are like that secret treasure you find under the bed that you forgot was there. They wait for you to need them, and then POOF there they are. He would have done anything in the world for me. He was always my best cheerleader and my world's biggest fan. He believed in me like no one else I've ever known. I was his big sister and I did everything wonderful. I hope he looks down sometimes and knows how much I miss him. He left me too early and some things will just never be the same without him. So... to everyone out there who has a brother........ call them today and tell them that you love them, listen to their voice, memorize their laugh, and cherish the phone that answers on the other end.



Anonymous said...

There are tears in my eyes as I read your entry tonight. How beautifully you expressed the void in our hearts that can never be filled. How we loved him and how we miss him. How wonderful that we had him in our lives for 32 years. I love you,

Sherry said...

Well, Ms. Sentimental... OUCH in my heart, tear in my eyes... I never had a brother, a few great friends I consider like brothers... Your loss will never heal, but the memories will keep you believing... that one day not so far away, you will again have the chance to touch hearts. Until then, you know he would be so proud of all that you are Staci. He would be thrilled to call you big sis. Thanks for allowing us all into your soul this morning. Then giving me a reminder at how blessed we are even if I do live in the middle of no where.

deb did it said...

I spoke to one brother last night. I will call my other one tonight after reading this. THANK YOU. Your brother was the lucky one to have you as a sister.

Jenny Wilson said...

Thanks you for sharing your unconditional love for your brother. You have inspired me to call mine and let him know no matter what I love him more than life itself.
Thank you Staci.